"Footfalls echo in the memory, Down the passage which we did not take, Towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden.”
~T.S. Eliot
This slave finds a wistfulness for both what was, as well as what was "not". What "was" went too soon. The metaphor of the season change,how one longs to hold onto summer's fleeting days, reminds so well of all which was.
The impossibility of freezing those perfect moments when they grace us requires one be completely present when they occur so as to hold onto every second and allow it to fill one's soul to sustain during the chill and darkness.
Slavery's moments change as do all moments. My wistfulness comes due to lack of understanding of the impermanence of time. The moments which mark a slave's soul keeps one bound to the Master when the mark is not present on the flesh.
7 comments:
plWe go through life thinking, “There is always tomorrow”. At some crucial point in our life, tomorrow never comes. When we miss an opportunity for any reason, it is gone, and will not come again. It is usually our fault by mission or omission.
With age and experience we learn. Sadly, at some point it is too late. I know it is not too late for you. I hope that you learn from this to be more positive in getting what you want when the opportunity presents itself. I wish you well!
Pet,
Thank you for your insight & encouragement. I don't deal with frustration well and reality seems as though it might be changed, if only I will it so...acceptance, hopefully with grace, seems to be the answer to my dilemma.
I read your blog last night and see you are dealing with many of the same issues as I, regarding the feeling of time getting away from you & not wanting to do harm, yet finding a way to get your own needs and desires met. I appreciate the empathy you bring to my situation.
~nik
This sounds very sad and I hope you are all right. I think with the Master/slave dynamic, we are often in danger of becoming too emotionally dependent on our Masters/Mistresses, even more so than in a "normal" relationship. I know I do the same thing, and then if He is emotionally unavailable because He's going through a hard time in His other life it really distresses me.
Hope it all works out. For both of you, and you as well, Susan's Pet.
catriona,
Thank you for your kind words. Emotional dependency is a definition of slavery, at least for me. I think that was a part of what coming to understand my "true nature" was about. I can accept my life is a reflection of the will on my owner. My best self is realized in service to something greater than myself.
When it works, it is bliss. When the "other" turns away, for whatever reason, if there are not very concrete protocols and rituals or "orders" in place, then I falter. I need to feel my Master's will in my life to be my best self.
I can accept that...and also I can accept how much work it is to be the Master and know you hold the very life, essence, of another in your hands. I think it is easier for me to understanding due to being a Mother...there are no "time outs" or times when the Mother is not the center of the universe for the young child, even when she delegates that responsibility to something/someone else...it is she who rules the world of her child. Larger than life and all important. And it goes all to quickly.
Now my oldest is months away from graduating college and it has been a real learning experience feeling her become independent and self -sufficient.
I will try to write about these experiences soon. I also know what it is like to own a "pet". My dogs will never grow up and cease to need my protection, guidance and attention.
I think slavery is like parenting a younger child to a certain extent, but more like owning a devoted Pet.
Best wishes to you as you await your Master's attention and use. May he make good use of his slave, for your happiness sake.
~nik
That is indeed much as I feel too... when I feel abandoned it kind of makes me feel selfish because all along it's been supposedly "just sex." But it's been going on for two years now and to me it's turned into much more than that. I think he feels something for me too. I know women usually feel more emotional about it, but how could a man have sex with a woman for two years without feeling ANYTHING for her?
But as you say, there are no protocols. I'm married to and living with someone else, and he is supposedly in this only for sex. So I feel I have no technical right to ask for more attention, when really there is no relationship.
I know it is supposed to be all about the pleasure of our Master/Mistress, but yes we do have needs, and need to feel looked after and appreciated.
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good article.........................................................................This blog contains explicit images and accounts of a real life, full time Master/slave relationship. Exit now if you find this offensive.